You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up

You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up,
by Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn

I checked this book out of the library not so much for the great title (which my eight-year-old found hilarious) or the main story (about two comedic writers/actors who are married to each other and fight about nearly everything) but primarily because Gurwitch and Kahn have a child with VACTERLS Syndrome, like our little friend Zacary. Their son Ezra was born without an anus, in addition to several other birth defects (he has only one kidney, which is undersized). The first year of Ezra's life, this couple argued constantly in the midst of all their stress and seemed to blame each other for what was going on.

The basis for a lot of humor is complaining, really, so it's ironic that I chose to read a book full of complaining during my own "complaint-free Lent." The book is written alternately in Gurwitch's and Kahn's point of view (He says/She Says), and it is amusing at times to see how differently they remember certain situations. That happens to us sometimes too. But that's where the comparisons stop. We are not bickerers or nitpickers. I think we've found a way to ignore the little things and focus on the best in each other, for the most part. (I do not mean to say we never argue or get annoyed by things the other person does, but we are veritable saints compared to these two.)

Maybe it's being Jewish, or being comedians, or living in southern California. These people complain about everything. Now granted they also wouldn't be that easy to live with either! Kahn comes across as a sex-crazed frat boy at times, whereas Gurwitch appears to be uptight and overly opinionated. I'm sure that much of what they write about is completely over the top, because it's more funny that way.

In the end of the book, they admit that in spite of it all, they really love each other flaws and all. As they quote, some studies have found that as many as 70 percent of marriages dissolve when they have a medically fragile child. I've found that to be true in our personal circle of acquaintances from our NICU family support group. It tests a relationship like nothing else can. These two have survived that (their son is now 11 and doing well), so I think they'll be fine...even though they're not always very nice to each other. We know other couples like that, too...as long as each person gives as good as he or she gets, they seem to thrive on that banter.

I'll stick with my calmer, more respectful marriage though, thank you very much!

Small Wars: Family and military strife in Cyprus in the 1950s

Small Wars by Sadie Jones

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Englishwoman Clara marries soldier Hal, knowing what will be expected of her as a military wife. She follows him to his posting in Cyprus, along with her two small daughters.

Many years ago, a friend of ours spent a year in Cyprus and had an amazing experience. What she told us is the extent of my knowledge about the country, before reading this book.

In the 1950s, Cypriots were rebelling against British rule. Clara gets caught in the middle of this civil crisis, as Hal witnesses some life-changing, very disturbing actions by his men.

I found it frustrating that the author used a number of acronyms and abbreviations in her book, which are most likely unknown and not understood by the reader.

The characters felt distant--from each other as well as from the reader--which I suspect was intentional. It was a "very proper British marriage," with not a lot of lively conversation taking place, but clearly fondness for each other.

Overall, it was an interesting read.



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Revolutionary Road: Beautiful, melancholy piece of writing

Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

What an amazing piece of writing from Richard Yates. This book was published in 1961, but even though I was an English major and consider myself to be well read, I had never heard of it until I had heard there was to be a movie.

I read through a few of the other reviews, and two comments stood out to me:

"I'd like to build a home in some of these sentences. Something with a veranda so I can sit out there with a drink and really look around and take the whole thing in."

"Richard Yates is a JD Salinger for adults."

This is a story of two hopelessly unhappy adults living in the suburbs with their two neglected children. Everything on the surface appears to be perfect, but the cracks underneath begin to break apart.

Yates might not have meant it this way, but I thought it was an excellent commentary on the complete lack of choices women had in the 1950s. A woman's whole existence revolved around being a wife and mother. April fell into this role because it was expected of her, but then she realized how miserable she was. And she didn't feel that she had any other choices.

It's also a social commentary on the shallowness of many people's lives, which revolve around possessions and inanities.

I had a hard time putting the book down, and it sat with me when I was not reading it. However, I was glad to be done with it because it was incredibly sad, and I'm not generally a sad person. That's why I didn't give it four stars.

For excellent writing, and if you are in a melancholy mood, I highly recommend Revolutionary Road.




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