Catching Up: Great Nonfiction Reads

I seem to have read even more nonfiction than fiction in the last several months!


Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, Elizabeth Gilbert

Yes, it's a bit woo-woo, but it was just what I needed at the right time, as my dear friend Caley knew as she chose it for our book group. I loved the story about Gilbert's idea for a novel, landing with Ann Patchett after she let it go. Gilbert believes that ideas have a life of their own, and they are demanding to be expressed.

“The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them.”

Her comment that “It might have been done before, but it hasn’t been done by you!” reminds me of my entrepreneurial hero, Marie Forleo, who exhorts her students not to worry if someone else is doing the same thing as you...because you will do it in your own unique way. People don't just hire a service or product...they hire the person behind the creative idea.

Judging from the reviews, people either love or hate this book, and this was also the case with my book group. I loved it, but mostly because I read it at the right time in my life...when I had a creative idea (starting and working on my own business), just urging me to believe in it.

Educated, Tara Westover

This story was so astonishing it seemed almost preposterous, but it certainly demonstrates the power and resilience of the human spirit. Tara Westover was raised in an isolationist Mormon family in remote Idaho. At times it was difficult to read, especially trying to understand her desire to maintain connections with her dysfunctional, violent, and gaslighting family members after she escaped and made a life for herself, but that's what abuse does to a person. A great read, and a great true story.


Getting Started in Consulting, Alan Weiss

A friend who had started her own business recommended this book to me. I found it to be a great start in setting up my own consulting business. I haven't followed everything Weiss recommends (for example, he recommends you mark up your subconsultants by up to 50 percent!), but I used it for the basics. I especially appreciated the way he inserted words of wisdom from other people who had set up their own consulting firms.

It tends to be more male focused, while much of what I've been reading and the people I've been following have a more female-centered approach, but still a valuable resource.


In Pieces, Sally Field

Growing up on "Gidget" and "The Flying Nun," followed by "Norma Rae," "Places in the Heart," and "Steel Magnolias," I've always loved Sally Field, especially playing the matriarch in "Brothers and Sisters" and seeing her impassioned speeches in support of LGBTQIA rights.

I listened to In Pieces on audio so I could hear Field tell her story. I was taken off guard to learn she had been sexually abused by her stepfather...somehow I had not seen any information about that before I read the book. She hated "The Flying Nun" and "Gidget," and Burt Reynolds was a complete tool and waste of space.

Listening to Sally tell her story felt like an old friend sharing her intimacies with me.


Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption, Bryan Stevenson

I wanted to read Stevenson's book before seeing the movie. Bryan Stevenson is a hero for the neglected, the abused, the convicted without a fair trial, and those who are forgotten on Death Row. Just Mercy relates his stories of working tirelessly on their behalf, combined with facts and historical context about the prison industrial text and racism in this country. I found this book to be tragic, moving, inspiring, and infuriating. Highly recommended.


My Love Story, Tina Turner


Another book I listened to on audio, Tina Turner's memoir begins with heryears she has had to stop touring because of extensive health challenges...but I read that she's publishing another book this year. Tina Turner is a rock star in more ways than one...she has endured horrible hardships in her life, including the suicide of her beloved son a few years ago, yet she still remains hopeful and resilient at age 80.
wedding to the love of her life in Switzerland...and then three weeks after this highly awaited day, she suffered a massive stroke and had to learn how to do everything all over again. She looks back on her life, beginning with her birth as Anna Mae Bullock in Nutbush, Tennessee, and describes her awful existence with the abusive Ike. In her later


Over the Top: A Raw Journey to Self-Love, Jonathan Van Ness

Of course I had to listen to this one on audio. It's Jonathan Van Ness! I love this guy, although I know some people find him a bit hard to bear. He pours his guts out in this memoir, and I loved his raw vulnerability, honesty, and truth. Watching "Queer Eye," what many people would not imagine is that Jonathan Van Ness was pretty damn poor before he landed that gig. Trigger warnings for sexual and drug abuse, drug use, eating disorders, cancer, and homophobia. I love his podcast too ("Getting Curious"), in which he interviews experts on a wide variety of topics...essentially anything that piques his interest.


Shameless: A Sexual Revolution, Nadia Bolz-Weber

I feel extremely lucky that we were at Holden Village when Nadia Bolz-Weber was writing the first drafts of this book, and she workshopped them with us in large sessions. Of course, she's Nadia Bolz-Weber, so even her first drafts were brilliant. Of all the books she's written, this one is my favorite. I have to laugh, reading all the negative reviews on Goodreads, with people claiming her book is not biblical or adhering to Lutheran doctrine, etc. They are completely missing the point.

“It doesn't feel very difficult to draw a direct line between the messages many of us received from the church and the harm we've experienced in our bodies and spirits as a result. So my argument in this book is this: we should not be more loyal to an idea, a doctrine, or an interpretation of a Bible verse than we are to people. If the teachings of the church are harming the bodies and spirits of people, we should rethink those teachings.”

The church has a major problem with sex. Until we solve this problem and embrace the fact that God created sexuality as a gift, not a sin, Christianity will continue to alienate and harm people.

The Sex Lives of Cannibals: Adrift in the Equatorial Pacific, Maarten Troost

Maarten Troost moved to Tarawa, a tiny South Pacific island in the Republic of Kiribati, with his then-girlfriend, now-wife. Travel writing? Count me in! I was intrigued. This was a book group choice, and many found it to be an interesting read. I, however, would not recommend it.

I found Troost to be a whiny, full-of-himself bore who feels sorry for himself, hardly writes anything about his girlfriend's very different experience of the island, and treats the islanders themselves like pariahs. The titles of his books--The Sex Lives of Cannibals, Getting Stoned with Savages, and Headhunters on my Doorstep--are meant to be tongue in cheek, but they speak more of his personality. He never gets to know any of the I-Kiribati or makes much attempt to appreciate anything about living on the island.

After leaving Kiribati, he lands a plum job back at the World Bank. Reading this book reminded me why I prefer to read books by women and people of color. Troost represents exactly the type of privileged, overpublished white guy whose books I do not want to read.

White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism, Robin DiAngelo

Every white person needs to read this book, as soon as possible. I have recommended it repeatedly. Until we white people face our "whiteness" problem, we will never be able to begin to fix our own racism. This book is a great start. That is all. 

We Are Displaced, Malala Yousafzai

Malala has written a beautiful collection of essays about others who have been displaced from their countries of origin because of war, terrorism, famine, or other challenges that make it dangerous for them to stay home. 

According to the United Nations, "an unprecedented 70.8 million people around the world have been forced from home by conflict and persecution at the end of 2018. Among them are nearly 30 million refugees, over half of whom are under the age of 18."

These figures are mind-boggling. No one chooses to be a refugee. It's one of the worst things that can happen to a person, or a people. It breaks my heart when Americans, sitting in their comfortable houses with plenty to eat, do not understand that people do not flee here unless they have no other options available. These stories will move you and remind you of how far we have to go as a civilization. 

You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, Jen Sincero

I began listening to this book at just the right time in my life, when I had a serious case of imposter syndrome.

Some may say it's just another self-help book, but I found it helpful. I remember driving down the freeway, shouting out loud "YOU ARE A BADASS!" and it actually felt healing for me.

“You are perfect. To think anything less is as pointless as a river thinking that it’s got too many curves or that it moves too slowly or that its rapids are too rapid. Says who? You’re on a journey with no defined beginning, middle or end. There are no wrong twists and turns. There is just being. And your job is to be as you as you can be. This is why you’re here. To shy away from who you truly are would leave the world you-less. You are the only you there is and ever will be. I repeat, you are the only you there is and ever will be. Do not deny the world its one and only chance to bask in your brilliance.”

“You are loved. Massively. Ferociously. Unconditionally. The Universe is totally freaking out about how awesome you are. It’s got you wrapped in a warm gorilla hug of adoration. It wants to give you everything you desire. It wants you to be happy. It wants you to see what it sees in you.”

If you need a shot in the arm or a boost in your self-esteem, give this book a try. I liked Sincero's funny, flippant style.


Thick and Other Essays, Tressie Cottom McMillan

One (white male) reviewer on Goodreads used the term "firebombing" when describing this book. He thought that McMillan wasn't nice enough, I guess, and how dare she criticize David Brooks? That attitude (Black women need to be nice) is telling, given the fact that firebombing has been used for mass destruction of Black people since the Civil Rights Movement.

This book by sociologist Dr. Tressie Cottom McMillan, contains a number of incisive, insightful essays about race and racism, white people, Black girlhood, academics, sociology, beauty, and other topics. The most powerful essay for me was about the high mortality rate for Black women in labor and childbirth, when McMillan shared her own heartbreaking story. Dr. McMillan is a writer and wise voice to follow.


Untamed, by Glennon Doyle

I loved this book. First of all, if you cannot abide Elizabeth Gilbert or Brene Brown, steer clear. Glennon Doyle is not for everyone.

I first found Doyle when she was getting known as a "mommy blogger," writing about her "littles." (Aside: I hate the term "littles" when referring to one's children!) She was also an evangelical Christian at the time and had a long history of anorexia/bulimia, addiction, and anxiety. She continued to pour her heart out on the web after she learned her husband had been unfaithful. (Talk about being public about what a jerk you are...being unfaithful to a well-known blogger!) Through therapy, she found a way to forgive her husband and wrote about their continuing journey in Love Warrior. Then, while on the road to market that book, she met and fell in love with soccer superstar Abby Wambaugh.

I got to hear Glennon and Abby tell their story on stage a few years ago. It's clear they were made for each other. Now they have formed a co-parenting team with Doyle's ex-husband, Craig.

Untamed is about Glennon's journey back to herself, after a lifetime of trying to please everyone else and becoming the image of what she thought God and her parents wanted her to be. Yet again, this book came along at the right time for me, at the beginning of the coronavirus lockdown. I rarely read books a second time, but I might reread this one.

“When women lose themselves, the world loses its way. We do not need more selfless women. What we need right now is more women who have detoxed themselves so completely from the world's expectations that they are full of nothing but themselves. What we need are women who are full of themselves. A woman who is full of herself knows and trusts herself enough to say and do what must be done. She lets the rest burn.”

The Yellow House, by Sarah M. Broom

Sarah M. Broom's book, The Yellow House, is a story about her family of 12 children, born to Simon and Ivory Mae Broom. Sarah (born as Monique) was only six months old when her father died, leaving Ivory Mae, who did not know how to drive at the time, with several children at home and a rambling, ramshackle house she bought with her own money at a very young age.

It's also a story about New Orleans, specifically New Orleans East, where the yellow house, with a life of its own, stood until it was split in half during Hurricane Katrina.

It's about a family displaced, and about a young writer who can't stay away from New Orleans for long, trying to recover from great losses, even traveling to work in Burundi to grieve and rediscover herself...and seeing many parallels between wartorn Burundi and hurricane-torn New Orleans.

It's about the Black, working-class experience on the outskirts of New Orleans, and the glaringly obvious distinction between the touristy French Quarter. It's about a failure of infrastructure and corrupt leadership, a failed safety net, and the displacement of people who cannot afford to live in New Orleans any longer.

And still, it's a love affair of sorts for New Orleans. All wrapped up in a towering, split-in-two Yellow House.

The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions, and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace

The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions, and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace, by Shaunti Feldhahn
My rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Shaunti Feldhahn, who has a financial analyst background and holds a master's in public policy from Harvard, has become an expert on men's and women's unique perspectives. After writing several books about the inner lives of men and women, and a novel, she turned her focus to statistically analyzing men's perspectives in the workplace.

After finishing this book, I did some research on Goodreads and discovered that this book also has a "Christian" edition. Even though I'm actually a Christian, that would totally turn me off, so I'm glad I didn't check out that version. (Yes, I'm a weird Christian.) :)

Feldman and her large team of researchers interviewed 3,000 men in the workplace over 7 years and carefully analyzed the data. This book is the summary of what they discovered. In short:

It's not personal; it's business. Women tend to have a harder time separating these two worlds, and in general, men see a clear and distinct line. Feldhahn discusses the fact that men's brains are wired to compartmentalize, whereas women's brains have much more free flow. Therefore, it's much easier for men to separate themselves and their personal feelings from their jobs. They are less likely to take things personally, and they are less likely to discuss their personal lives in the workplace. They also work hard to protect themselves from emotional pain.

If men see women operating by personal world rules at work, they can be perceived as lacking self-confidence and self-esteem, being defensive and insecure, not being a team player, and not being mature, sophisticated, or business savvy.

I would have to agree that although certain men can be complete assholes in the work world, in general women are more likely to have personality conflicts. They are also more likely to overreact to things. This is probably because of the different brain wiring and what I've observed in my own sons: males tend to be better at moving on and not letting resentments linger. They are less likely to hold grudges.

Men are concerned that if they let down their guard, the world will stop spinning. According to Feldhahn, men have a secret belief that if they do not perform their best at work, or if they let down their guard, they will lose their jobs and be unable to provide for their families. This fear drives many of the decisions they make in the workplace. As a result, they can be intolerant of colleagues (often women, who are not as driven by this fear) who appear to be distracting them from the task at hand. This focus on results can be a highly positive thing, but it can also be negative because sometimes men do not realize the importance of relationship building in business. To gain respect from male colleagues, it's important for women to demonstrate that they are fully committed to the job and "in the game."

Feldhahn elaborates on the little things that drive men crazy about women in the workplace: the need to get to the point, not overreact, and let it go. Furthermore, men value colleagues who "suck it up" and get the job done, no matter what, without complaining. The downside of the typical man's approach is that he might not take the necessary time to delve into the details, which can bite him in the end.

She also addresses men's inner insecurity and how it can affect women. Men do not like to be challenged openly...especially by women. Part of this is due to sexism, but part of it is also due to a lack of self-confidence and the fact that men are trained to come across as more confident than they really feel inside. She found that most men like to be challenged, but they fear being seen as inadequate. "One of men's most intense emotional needs is to feel adequate and to know they are respected and trusted by others." Feldhahn addresses situations in which men are likely to perceive disrespect, including a direct, brusque approach, asking "why" questions, pushing too much, and conveying exasperation.

Feldhahn also tackles the taboo of addressing the way women dress in the workplace. According to her research, men feel extremely uncomfortable discussing this issue, but most of them agree that dressing provocatively (tight or short skirts, or showing cleavage) is one of the major ways that women shoot themselves in the foot in the workplace. The interesting thing she discovered is that men tend to think that the woman wants them to look at her body rather than pay attention to what she is saying or doing...while in fact, most women do not mean to send this message at all. Their motivation is dressing stylishly or feeling good about themselves. Feldhahn has discovered in her research how visual men are, and that they often focus on a woman's attire to the detriment of her message. This is backed up by brain research. According to ABC's John Stossel (who did a program on this information), "The same part of the brain (the nucleus accumbens) lights up when a young man sees a picture of a beautiful woman as when a hungry person sees food, or a gambler eyes cash, or a drug addict sees a fix."

Feldhahn conducted studies in which she showed groups of men the same video, except for the fact that the woman in the video was dressed differently. When they viewed the video of the woman showing cleavage, they retained far less of the information she was presenting than the group of men who saw the same presentation--but the woman was not showing cleavage. The men she interviewed were uncomfortable in admitting this or sharing it, but most agreed: women are taken less seriously in the workplace when they wear tight or short skirts or show cleavage. (You can view clips of this video in the video segment at the bottom of the post.)

The unfortunate finding is that men often think women are trying to distract them sexually, when in fact this is not usually the case. As one executive shared, "Women have the ability to be completely beautiful and completely appropriate...but there is a line that you cross where it becomes distracting, and another line where it could become sexual..." Consequently, men view women who dress this way with less respect, because they are not taken seriously. It also puts men who want to respect women professionally in an awkward position. In her book, she says that she has created a short presentation that can help explain these findings...and it can be downloaded on her website, TheMaleFactorBook.com; however, the website says this tool is "coming soon." This is highly disappointing, as the book was published in 2009 and it's now 2011.

In summary, the men she interviewed expressed their desire to help women in the workplace and suggested that women project confidence and competence to gain respect. I learned a lot from this book and it will help me approach my male colleagues with more understanding. Oh and no more cleavage and miniskirts!! Haha.

If you are interested in learning more, I suggest you watch this video of Feldhahn on the Today Show, with Donny Deutsch:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Up in the Air: Seriously lacking George Clooney

My rating: 2 out of 5 stars

I saw the film "Up in the Air" and enjoyed it (although I was not crazy about the ending), so when I saw this book in the library, I thought I'd give it a try. I gave up about 100 pages into the book, because I could not care about the characters and found the lack of plot frustrating.

Kirn is a master of details--most of this book consisted of observations about life in the air as a businessman. While the movie skewered the modern business world (as we follow Clooney's character Ryan as he travels around giving people the axe), the book focused on the travel aspects and the idea of a life lived in airports and navigating between various American cities. It's supposed to be a great satire, but I found the movie to be more interesting and certainly entertaining (after all, it's got George Clooney!).

So if you like to read extensive detail about air travel, airports, hotels, and transportation from one city to another, check it out. If you're looking for a plot, pick something else...or try the movie.

Eat This Frog: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time

My Rating: 2.5 of 5 stars

This was a quick little read with some good ideas...I wrote about the most compelling ones in my organizing blog. The title is based on a quote by Mark Twain...he said that if you eat a frog in the morning, everything you do after that will be easy. Brian Tracy uses this idea to emphasize that you must do the hardest thing in your day first. I had a hard time getting past this image of eating frogs...but I understand the reason behind it.

If you're looking for some ideas about prioritizing and organizing your time, I'd recommend this quick little read. The author was a high school dropout and earned his bachelor's and master's degrees in his 30s...and went on to become a millionaire and inspirational speaker. He's married with four kids now. So what he's talking about seemed to work for him!

How Starbucks Saved My Life: A Son of Privilege Learns to Live Like Everyone Else

How Starbucks Saved My Life: A Son of Privilege Learns to Live Like Everyone Else by Michael Gates Gill

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Highly successful, well-connected businessman and father becomes laid off and divorced (as a result of an affair). He's essentially an arrogant snob and a philanderer, so not much sympathy in the beginning. He is forced to take a job at Starbucks, and it turns around his life.



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Bait and Switch: The (Futile) Pursuit of the American Dream

Bait and Switch: The (Futile) Pursuit of the American Dream by Barbara Ehrenreich

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Not as good as Nickel & Dimed, but worth a read. Ehrenreich set herself up for failure--did she think they'd offer her a corporate position with no business experience? As a hiring manager, I wouldn't have given her resume a second glance. However, this book gave me sympathy for the job seeker and made me appreciate my own job and company.



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Bringing Out the Best in Yourself at Work: How to Use the Enneagram System for Success

Bringing Out the Best in Yourself at Work : How to Use the Enneagram System for Success by Ginger Lapid-Bogda

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


This book is an extremely valuable guide to using the enneagram personality styles to help understand ourselves and our coworkers better.



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Copy This!: Lessons from a Hyperactive Dyslexic who Turned a Bright Idea into One of America's Best Companies

Copy This! : Lessons from a Hyperactive Dyslexic who Turned a Bright Idea Into One of America's Best Companies by Paul Orfalea

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


From what I can remember from this book, it was an interesting story about the evolution of Kinko's. Orfalea has ADHD and dyslexia, yet he started the world's most ubiquitous reprographics companies. It was a quick, easy read. He could be a bit dictatorial and temperamental in running his company, but it was interesting...



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The 9 Ways of Working: How to Use the Enneagram to Discover Your Natural Strengths and Work More Effectively

The 9 Ways of Working: How to Use the Enneagram to Discover Your Natural Strengths and Work More Effectively by Michael J. Goldberg

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I read this book for a training session I'm helping facilitate at work, and I found it very illuminating. It's interesting to learn what people's enneagram types are and how they operate at best and at worst. The interesting thing about the enneagram model is that every type has "wings" and high-performance and stress points, so no one is stuck at one particular type.

The goal is to learn about how to communicate and work together more effectively by understanding each other better.



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Seven Steps to Fearless Speaking

7 Steps to Fearless Speaking by Lilyan Wilder

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I listened to this on tape in the car, and I think it might have been more effective had I read it in print. The author is clearly a talented public speaking coach and offers several specific tips in her book; however, in order to apply them I would need a refresher on paper.



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Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive

Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive by Noah Goldstein

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


I read this mostly for work, as I contemplate how to convince people who have always done things a certain way to branch out a little. I liked the fact that the 50 ways were backed up with scientific research. It was an interesting read!



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The Wall Street Journal Guide to Power Travel: How to Arrive with Your Dignity, Sanity, and Wallet Intact

The Wall Street Journal Guide to Power Travel: How to Arrive with Your Dignity, Sanity, and Wallet Intact by Scott McCartney

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Great tips on how to make travel more bearable and get around some of the kinks in the air and hotel industries.



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Banker to the Poor: The beginning of micro-lending

Banker to the Poor: Micro-Lending and the Battle Against World Poverty by Muhammad Yunus

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

As a professor of economics at Chittagong University in Dhaka, Bangladesh, Muhammad Yunus witnessed first hand the devastating poverty, disease, and death associated with the famine in 1974. He grew frustrated with the disconnect between the ivory tower of the university and the people dying right next door in the village of Jopra. He decided to take his students right into the village and study poverty. "I wanted to teach my university students how to understand the life of one single poor person."

Yunus tells the story of how he founded Grameen Bank, beginning with the $27 he lent a group of 42 villagers. The book is a combination of memoir (with a bit of personal history) and the story of the bank's evolution.

He has definite ideas on government assistance and poverty intervention; he believes that microlending is the best way out of poverty rather than welfare or charity. I found the book to be very thought provoking. The vast majority of the loans Grameen gives are to women (I believe around 97%). Yunus defends this practice against Muslim clerics and conservatives who feel this is inappropriate. What I liked about Yunus' approach is that he designed a simple way to reach the poorest of the poor--not the farmers in the fields, but the villagers who didn't have land or the basic materials to make a living.

The beginning of the book was the best--he talks about the growth of the bank and the refining of their processes. I also liked the personal stories of real-life bank members as well as the bank employees. The second half was not as captivating, as he talks about the expansion of Grameen. Overall, however, I found the book inspiring and interesting.



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Then We Came to the End: Dysfunctional company falling apart

Then We Came to the End by Joshua Ferris

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I got to about page 125 in this book and decided to give up. It wasn't horrible...but I just couldn't get into it. Part of the problem is that it's written in first person plural...and it's very difficult to really relate to the characters. It's basically about a dysfunctional company falling apart and laying people off. Interesting that it was published in 2007--the author must have been clairvoyant about the coming recession.

I wanted to like this book, because the idea seemed clever...but I must not have been in the right mood, or something.



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Did You Say Something Susan: Assertiveness tactics for women

Did You Say Something Susan?: How Any Woman Can Gain Confidence With Assertive Communication by Paulette Dale

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Some interesting ideas here...not sure I'm ready with any snappy come-backs, but I'm forever grasping for one!

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Make Your Point: Tactics for being more clear and concise

MAKE YOUR POINT!: SPEAK CLEARLY AND CONCISELY ANYPLACE, ANYTIME by Bob Elliott

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Pretty good book about how to make your point concisely without rambling on. The question is how to drill it into my mind!

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