Daughter of Black Lake

Daughter of Black Lake, by Cathy Marie Buchanan

Ten years ago I read and loved Cathy Marie Buchanan's debut novel, The Day the Falls Stood Still. When I learned she'd written another novel about Iron Age Britain, I became immediately interested. I received an advance copy of this book, which just launched on my birthday, October 6. 

This book sent me to the Internet to read all about the Druids and the Roman invasion of Britain. All I knew about Druids was related to Stonehenge, the Solstice, and the TV show Outlander. 

I have not read many books set this long ago, with the exception of Clan of the Cave Bear, The Red Tent, and the Bible. The story alternates perspectives between Devout and her daughter, Hobble. They are finding their partners in ancient times, trying to make a life for themselves and their families and in Hobble's case, trying to survive being labeled as a "runt" by the Druids. 

Not much is actually known about the Druids, but it appears that they believed in making sacrifices to appease the gods. Sometimes the sacrifices were human, especially children who were believed to be imperfect in some way. 

As someone who was born with a cleft lip, cleft palate, and club foot, it did not escape my awareness that I would have been named Hobble or Harelip in those times and also being at risk of sacrifice. In long-ago times, birth defects like cleft lips were thought to be because of evil spirits.

Even though these were traditional, staunchly patriarchal times, Devout and Hobble are very much fully fleshed-out, strong women characters.

I found this novel to be fascinating and magical. It will stick with me for a very long time!

Catching Up: Great Nonfiction Reads

I seem to have read even more nonfiction than fiction in the last several months!


Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, Elizabeth Gilbert

Yes, it's a bit woo-woo, but it was just what I needed at the right time, as my dear friend Caley knew as she chose it for our book group. I loved the story about Gilbert's idea for a novel, landing with Ann Patchett after she let it go. Gilbert believes that ideas have a life of their own, and they are demanding to be expressed.

“The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them.”

Her comment that “It might have been done before, but it hasn’t been done by you!” reminds me of my entrepreneurial hero, Marie Forleo, who exhorts her students not to worry if someone else is doing the same thing as you...because you will do it in your own unique way. People don't just hire a service or product...they hire the person behind the creative idea.

Judging from the reviews, people either love or hate this book, and this was also the case with my book group. I loved it, but mostly because I read it at the right time in my life...when I had a creative idea (starting and working on my own business), just urging me to believe in it.

Educated, Tara Westover

This story was so astonishing it seemed almost preposterous, but it certainly demonstrates the power and resilience of the human spirit. Tara Westover was raised in an isolationist Mormon family in remote Idaho. At times it was difficult to read, especially trying to understand her desire to maintain connections with her dysfunctional, violent, and gaslighting family members after she escaped and made a life for herself, but that's what abuse does to a person. A great read, and a great true story.


Getting Started in Consulting, Alan Weiss

A friend who had started her own business recommended this book to me. I found it to be a great start in setting up my own consulting business. I haven't followed everything Weiss recommends (for example, he recommends you mark up your subconsultants by up to 50 percent!), but I used it for the basics. I especially appreciated the way he inserted words of wisdom from other people who had set up their own consulting firms.

It tends to be more male focused, while much of what I've been reading and the people I've been following have a more female-centered approach, but still a valuable resource.


In Pieces, Sally Field

Growing up on "Gidget" and "The Flying Nun," followed by "Norma Rae," "Places in the Heart," and "Steel Magnolias," I've always loved Sally Field, especially playing the matriarch in "Brothers and Sisters" and seeing her impassioned speeches in support of LGBTQIA rights.

I listened to In Pieces on audio so I could hear Field tell her story. I was taken off guard to learn she had been sexually abused by her stepfather...somehow I had not seen any information about that before I read the book. She hated "The Flying Nun" and "Gidget," and Burt Reynolds was a complete tool and waste of space.

Listening to Sally tell her story felt like an old friend sharing her intimacies with me.


Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption, Bryan Stevenson

I wanted to read Stevenson's book before seeing the movie. Bryan Stevenson is a hero for the neglected, the abused, the convicted without a fair trial, and those who are forgotten on Death Row. Just Mercy relates his stories of working tirelessly on their behalf, combined with facts and historical context about the prison industrial text and racism in this country. I found this book to be tragic, moving, inspiring, and infuriating. Highly recommended.


My Love Story, Tina Turner


Another book I listened to on audio, Tina Turner's memoir begins with heryears she has had to stop touring because of extensive health challenges...but I read that she's publishing another book this year. Tina Turner is a rock star in more ways than one...she has endured horrible hardships in her life, including the suicide of her beloved son a few years ago, yet she still remains hopeful and resilient at age 80.
wedding to the love of her life in Switzerland...and then three weeks after this highly awaited day, she suffered a massive stroke and had to learn how to do everything all over again. She looks back on her life, beginning with her birth as Anna Mae Bullock in Nutbush, Tennessee, and describes her awful existence with the abusive Ike. In her later


Over the Top: A Raw Journey to Self-Love, Jonathan Van Ness

Of course I had to listen to this one on audio. It's Jonathan Van Ness! I love this guy, although I know some people find him a bit hard to bear. He pours his guts out in this memoir, and I loved his raw vulnerability, honesty, and truth. Watching "Queer Eye," what many people would not imagine is that Jonathan Van Ness was pretty damn poor before he landed that gig. Trigger warnings for sexual and drug abuse, drug use, eating disorders, cancer, and homophobia. I love his podcast too ("Getting Curious"), in which he interviews experts on a wide variety of topics...essentially anything that piques his interest.


Shameless: A Sexual Revolution, Nadia Bolz-Weber

I feel extremely lucky that we were at Holden Village when Nadia Bolz-Weber was writing the first drafts of this book, and she workshopped them with us in large sessions. Of course, she's Nadia Bolz-Weber, so even her first drafts were brilliant. Of all the books she's written, this one is my favorite. I have to laugh, reading all the negative reviews on Goodreads, with people claiming her book is not biblical or adhering to Lutheran doctrine, etc. They are completely missing the point.

“It doesn't feel very difficult to draw a direct line between the messages many of us received from the church and the harm we've experienced in our bodies and spirits as a result. So my argument in this book is this: we should not be more loyal to an idea, a doctrine, or an interpretation of a Bible verse than we are to people. If the teachings of the church are harming the bodies and spirits of people, we should rethink those teachings.”

The church has a major problem with sex. Until we solve this problem and embrace the fact that God created sexuality as a gift, not a sin, Christianity will continue to alienate and harm people.

The Sex Lives of Cannibals: Adrift in the Equatorial Pacific, Maarten Troost

Maarten Troost moved to Tarawa, a tiny South Pacific island in the Republic of Kiribati, with his then-girlfriend, now-wife. Travel writing? Count me in! I was intrigued. This was a book group choice, and many found it to be an interesting read. I, however, would not recommend it.

I found Troost to be a whiny, full-of-himself bore who feels sorry for himself, hardly writes anything about his girlfriend's very different experience of the island, and treats the islanders themselves like pariahs. The titles of his books--The Sex Lives of Cannibals, Getting Stoned with Savages, and Headhunters on my Doorstep--are meant to be tongue in cheek, but they speak more of his personality. He never gets to know any of the I-Kiribati or makes much attempt to appreciate anything about living on the island.

After leaving Kiribati, he lands a plum job back at the World Bank. Reading this book reminded me why I prefer to read books by women and people of color. Troost represents exactly the type of privileged, overpublished white guy whose books I do not want to read.

White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism, Robin DiAngelo

Every white person needs to read this book, as soon as possible. I have recommended it repeatedly. Until we white people face our "whiteness" problem, we will never be able to begin to fix our own racism. This book is a great start. That is all. 

We Are Displaced, Malala Yousafzai

Malala has written a beautiful collection of essays about others who have been displaced from their countries of origin because of war, terrorism, famine, or other challenges that make it dangerous for them to stay home. 

According to the United Nations, "an unprecedented 70.8 million people around the world have been forced from home by conflict and persecution at the end of 2018. Among them are nearly 30 million refugees, over half of whom are under the age of 18."

These figures are mind-boggling. No one chooses to be a refugee. It's one of the worst things that can happen to a person, or a people. It breaks my heart when Americans, sitting in their comfortable houses with plenty to eat, do not understand that people do not flee here unless they have no other options available. These stories will move you and remind you of how far we have to go as a civilization. 

You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, Jen Sincero

I began listening to this book at just the right time in my life, when I had a serious case of imposter syndrome.

Some may say it's just another self-help book, but I found it helpful. I remember driving down the freeway, shouting out loud "YOU ARE A BADASS!" and it actually felt healing for me.

“You are perfect. To think anything less is as pointless as a river thinking that it’s got too many curves or that it moves too slowly or that its rapids are too rapid. Says who? You’re on a journey with no defined beginning, middle or end. There are no wrong twists and turns. There is just being. And your job is to be as you as you can be. This is why you’re here. To shy away from who you truly are would leave the world you-less. You are the only you there is and ever will be. I repeat, you are the only you there is and ever will be. Do not deny the world its one and only chance to bask in your brilliance.”

“You are loved. Massively. Ferociously. Unconditionally. The Universe is totally freaking out about how awesome you are. It’s got you wrapped in a warm gorilla hug of adoration. It wants to give you everything you desire. It wants you to be happy. It wants you to see what it sees in you.”

If you need a shot in the arm or a boost in your self-esteem, give this book a try. I liked Sincero's funny, flippant style.


Thick and Other Essays, Tressie Cottom McMillan

One (white male) reviewer on Goodreads used the term "firebombing" when describing this book. He thought that McMillan wasn't nice enough, I guess, and how dare she criticize David Brooks? That attitude (Black women need to be nice) is telling, given the fact that firebombing has been used for mass destruction of Black people since the Civil Rights Movement.

This book by sociologist Dr. Tressie Cottom McMillan, contains a number of incisive, insightful essays about race and racism, white people, Black girlhood, academics, sociology, beauty, and other topics. The most powerful essay for me was about the high mortality rate for Black women in labor and childbirth, when McMillan shared her own heartbreaking story. Dr. McMillan is a writer and wise voice to follow.


Untamed, by Glennon Doyle

I loved this book. First of all, if you cannot abide Elizabeth Gilbert or Brene Brown, steer clear. Glennon Doyle is not for everyone.

I first found Doyle when she was getting known as a "mommy blogger," writing about her "littles." (Aside: I hate the term "littles" when referring to one's children!) She was also an evangelical Christian at the time and had a long history of anorexia/bulimia, addiction, and anxiety. She continued to pour her heart out on the web after she learned her husband had been unfaithful. (Talk about being public about what a jerk you are...being unfaithful to a well-known blogger!) Through therapy, she found a way to forgive her husband and wrote about their continuing journey in Love Warrior. Then, while on the road to market that book, she met and fell in love with soccer superstar Abby Wambaugh.

I got to hear Glennon and Abby tell their story on stage a few years ago. It's clear they were made for each other. Now they have formed a co-parenting team with Doyle's ex-husband, Craig.

Untamed is about Glennon's journey back to herself, after a lifetime of trying to please everyone else and becoming the image of what she thought God and her parents wanted her to be. Yet again, this book came along at the right time for me, at the beginning of the coronavirus lockdown. I rarely read books a second time, but I might reread this one.

“When women lose themselves, the world loses its way. We do not need more selfless women. What we need right now is more women who have detoxed themselves so completely from the world's expectations that they are full of nothing but themselves. What we need are women who are full of themselves. A woman who is full of herself knows and trusts herself enough to say and do what must be done. She lets the rest burn.”

The Yellow House, by Sarah M. Broom

Sarah M. Broom's book, The Yellow House, is a story about her family of 12 children, born to Simon and Ivory Mae Broom. Sarah (born as Monique) was only six months old when her father died, leaving Ivory Mae, who did not know how to drive at the time, with several children at home and a rambling, ramshackle house she bought with her own money at a very young age.

It's also a story about New Orleans, specifically New Orleans East, where the yellow house, with a life of its own, stood until it was split in half during Hurricane Katrina.

It's about a family displaced, and about a young writer who can't stay away from New Orleans for long, trying to recover from great losses, even traveling to work in Burundi to grieve and rediscover herself...and seeing many parallels between wartorn Burundi and hurricane-torn New Orleans.

It's about the Black, working-class experience on the outskirts of New Orleans, and the glaringly obvious distinction between the touristy French Quarter. It's about a failure of infrastructure and corrupt leadership, a failed safety net, and the displacement of people who cannot afford to live in New Orleans any longer.

And still, it's a love affair of sorts for New Orleans. All wrapped up in a towering, split-in-two Yellow House.

The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane

The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane, by Lisa See

Amazingly, because I love books based in Asia, this was the first book I'd read by Lisa See. I'm not sure why it has taken me so long!

I enjoyed this family saga about a Chinese girl, Li-Yan, who was born into a very poor Akha tea family in the Yunnan Province. I'd never heard of the Akha or their strict traditions before, so I was

fascinated to read this story.

The story soon takes a dark twist, as Li-Yan's mother is a midwife, and Li-Yan witnesses a birth of twin babies. Because the Akha follow 100-year-old traditions extremely faithfully, her mother kills the babies (twins are bad luck) and exiles their parents. 

Clever, independent Li-Yan chafes against the misogynist, old-fashioned rules of her tribe, and when her own path takes a difficult turn, she leaves the village.

I won't say any more because I don't want to spoil the story, but I do want to say that Lisa See does an exceptional job tackling the complications of Chinese adoptions...and giving the reader a great appreciation for tea, especially the aged Pu-er tea.

I read this book for my book group, and I hosted the evening we discussed it. I ordered Chinese takeout and remembered I had intended to buy some Chinese tea for the occasion. On the off chance, I raided our tea cabinet, and what did I find? A box of Pu-er tea, which my husband had purchased on a whim. I was delighted at this lovely piece of synchronicity!

Read it, and drink some Pu-er tea! #NaBloPoMo2019

Becoming

Becoming, by Michelle Obama

I read Becoming earlier this year, and I loved it. Although her family did not have much money or resources, she grew up in a family of deep, consistent love on the south side of Chicago, rich in memories.

A few of my most vivid memories of the book were when she learned how to play the piano from her strict Great Aunt Robbie, who had a strict protocol about lessons. The students could not move ahead in the book until they had accomplished a particular song. This struck Michelle as particularly boring and unfair, so she played ahead in the book and got in trouble. I could relate so much to Michelle's reaction, chafing at this rule! Some rules are meant to be broken!

At her first piano recital, Michelle learned her family's circumstances were not like everyone else's. Great Aunt Robbie's piano had a chip to mark the middle C. Sitting at a beautiful grand piano for the recital, Michelle panicked because she could not find middle C. Great Aunt Bobbie came to her rescue, pointing out the C. 

“Maybe she knew that the disparities of the world had just quietly shown themselves to me for the first time." 

She and her brother Cliff shared a small bedroom, jerry-rigged into two extremely small areas. Her parents were strict but she always felt loved, and although her dad became ill with multiple sclerosis, he continued to work tremendously hard for as long as he could. Michelle followed in her parents' hard-working footsteps, committed to academic excellence, and earned two Ivy League degrees.

I admired her self-awareness when she realized, working as a corporate lawyer, that this life was not for her. After meeting a much more laid-back and carefree Barack and losing her best friend from college to cancer, she reinvented herself and her career. I enjoyed learning about Michelle's professional life and aspirations--we heard so little about the real Michelle when she was first lady.

“For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end.” 

Reading about Michelle and Barack's courtship made me smile...they were so different in so many ways, but alike in the ways that mattered. She is still not a fan of politics, but knew that he was meant to be a public servant and would not stand in his way.

Getting ready to hear from Michelle in Portland!

Michelle writes extensively about parenting and balancing her work and family life, especially as Barack was away from home more frequently because of his political career. She was determined to protect her daughters from the privileged life as much as she possibly could.

She also writes about the value of female friendship, which is also sacred to me.

“Friendships between women, as any woman will tell you, are built of a thousand small kindnesses...swapped back and forth and over again.” 

And about how challenging it can be to be a woman:

“Women endure entire lifetimes of these indignities—in the form of catcalls, groping, assault, oppression. These things injure us. They sap our strength. Some of the cuts are so small they’re barely visible. Others are huge and gaping, leaving scars that never heal. Either way, they accumulate. We carry them everywhere, to and from school and work, at home while raising our children, at our places of worship, anytime we try to advance.”

And where "when they go low, we go high" came from:

“Since childhood, I’d believed it was important to speak out against bullies while also not stooping to their level. And to be clear, we were now up against a bully, a man who among other things demeaned minorities and expressed contempt for prisoners of war, challenging the dignity of our country with practically his every utterance. I wanted Americans to understand that words matter—that the hateful language they heard coming from their TVs did not reflect the true spirit of our country and that we could vote against it. It was dignity I wanted to make an appeal for—the idea that as a nation we might hold on to the core thing that had sustained my family, going back generations. Dignity had always gotten us through. It was a choice, and not always the easy one, but the people I respected most in life made it again and again, every single day. There was a motto Barack and I tried to live by, and I offered it that night from the stage: When they go low, we go high.”

I closed the book feeling inspired by the life she has lived, much of it so publicly, and sad for what we have lost as a country.

With my heart full!

My husband and I were extremely lucky to be able to see Michelle when she came to Portland, and it was a night I will never forget! I wiped away tears many times. She designed her book tour so it was a conversation with someone who knew her well. In Portland, it was with Sam Kass, the Obamas' personal chef starting in Chicago, and who designed the garden and healthy cooking at the White House with her. It was funny, poignant, endearing, and intimate, and it filled my heart!

“For every door that’s been opened to me, I’ve tried to open my door to others. And here is what I have to say, finally: Let’s invite one another in. Maybe then we can begin to fear less, to make fewer wrong assumptions, to let go of the biases and stereotypes that unnecessarily divide us. Maybe we can better embrace the ways we are the same. It’s not about being perfect. It’s not about where you get yourself in the end. There’s power in allowing yourself to be known and heard, in owning your unique story, in using your authentic voice. And there’s grace in being willing to know and hear others. This, for me, is how we become.”

 #NaBloPoMo2019

Half Broke Horses

Half Broke Horses, by Jeannette Walls

My book group selected The Glass Castle for March, and since I had read that book many years ago, I decided to read Half Broke Horses instead.

I loved this true-life novel/biography of Walls' spitfire grandmother, Lily Casey Smith, born in 1903, who was a "mustang-breaking, poker-playing, horse-race-winning schoolmarm of Coconino County, and it wasn't half bad to be in place where no one had a problem with a woman having a moniker like that.”

The book opens with a flash flood, and Lily helps save her younger brother and sister by having them all climb into a tree and clinging to the branches overnight, for dear life, while everything around them is awash in water.

When they wade home through the water the next day, her mom sinks to her knees, thanking their guardian angel for saving them. The way Lily saw it, she was the one who'd saved them:

"There weren't no guardian angel, Dad," I said. I started explaining how I'd gotten us to the cottonwood tree in time, figuring out how to switch places when our arms got tired and keeping Buster and Helen awake through the long night by quizzing them. Dad squeezed my shoulder. "Well, darling," he said, "maybe the angel was you."

As an oldest child, this story resonated with me immediately. In crisis as a child, I too rose to the occasion.

Lily was not your typical girl child. She worked side by side with her ranch-running dad, breaking and training the horses. When she was 15, she took off on her horse, solo, for a 30-day journey to Arizona, where she'd landed a job as a teacher in a one-room schoolhouse, even though she'd hardly had any formal schooling herself. (She spent a wonderful semester in a Catholic school, where she thrived, until her dad spent the tuition money to buy some dogs imported from Europe, which were soon shot by a neighbor.)

“Since Mom wasn't exactly the most useful person in the world, one lesson I learned at an early age was how to get things done, and this was a source of both amazement and concern for Mom, who considered my behavior unladylike but also counted on me. 'I never knew a girl to have such gumption,' she'd say. 'But I'm not too sure it's a good thing.'”  

Lily drove cars and flew planes, and she worked her fingers to the bone, carrying two jobs when she needed to, running a ranch and teaching in her spare time.

“Teaching is a calling too. And I've always thought that teachers in their way are holy - angels leading their flocks out of the darkness.” 

The irony of reading about her hard work was not lost on me one day, when all I wanted to do was lie in bed reading this book!

“It was good work, the kind of work that let you sleep soundly at night and, when you awoke, look forward to the day.” 

During the depression she sold moonshine out their back door (keeping it hidden under the baby's crib) to save their ranch.

“You can't prepare for everything life's going to throw at you. And you can't avoid danger. It's there. The world is a dangerous place, and if you sit around wringing your hands about it, you'll out on all the adventure.” 

She taught in a polygamist community and taught them about Amelia Earhart and women's suffrage. Soon she received a visit from the polygamist elder, who directed her to stop teaching these things to the children. She refused, and the next time he paid a visit, she prepared for it with her rifle. Of course, her contract wasn't renewed the next year, but it was the children's loss. She stuck to her principles and stood up for justice everywhere, always characteristics I admire!

She raised two children, one of whom was Rosemary Smith Walls, Jeanette Walls' memorable mother.

“God deals us all different hands. How we play 'em is up to us.”

Lily was not a fan of Rex Walls, Jeanette's ne'er-do-well, alcoholic husband, but she knew she couldn't stand in her daughter's way. Lily believed in encouraging independence, resilience, and spit and vinegar in her children, a tradition Rosemary carried to an entirely new (crazy) level in her own child rearing.

I loved this book and I would have loved to meet Lily Casey Smith. What a great American hero. This book has been described as Laura Ingalls Wilder for adults, so true for me! Of course, after I finished it, I had to re-read The Glass Castle.

Code Name Verity

Code Name Verity, by Elizabeth Wein

I LOVED this book...in fact, it's my favorite so far in 2014. I would not have been drawn to the title, but it was my book group selection for the month.

The story is about "Verity," a female British spy, is captured in Nazi-occupied France, and her best friend Maddie, the pilot who flew her into France. The Nazis torture and interrogate Verity (or "Queenie"), and she writes about her friendship with Maddie and their training before and during the war. Slowly, the reader learns the pieces of her story...at least, what she is telling the Nazis.

I don't want to say much more about the book for fear of giving any details away. It did take me a bit of time to get into (I'm not terribly interested in flying airplanes--so the beginning bored me a bit at times), but it is SO WORTH PERSEVERING.

I finished it in the middle of the night before book group...and I found myself crying in the living room at 5:00 a.m. The book is not only beautifully written, but it's cleverly crafted. It's one of the few books I've read that makes me want to go right back and reread it now that I know the ending...it will stick with me for a long time.

I think next time I will listen to it so I can hear the English and Scottish accents. It's one of the few books I've read that has the word "gormless" in it (one of my English husband's favorite words, which I'd never heard before I met him).

Some have called it as a "love letter to female friendship," which is an excellent way to describe it. I do think it's one of the most beautiful homages to friendship I've ever read. This is one of my favorite lines from the book:

"It's like being in love, discovering your best friend."

Read it!

Orange Is the New Black

Orange Is the New Black: My Year in a Women's Prison, by Piper Kerman

I'm completely hooked on the Netflix series "Orange Is the New Black," so I was anxious to read the memoir that is the basis for the show. I'd heard an interview with Piper Kerman on "Fresh Air" several months ago, so I already knew that the book is notably different than the show.

Here's the plot in a nutshell if you're not familiar with the show. Rich, Smith-educated white girl smuggles drug money for her girlfriend. Ten years later, after she has reinvented her life and gone to the other side (she's engaged to a man), the feds show up at her door. She has to go to prison for 15 months (13 months with time off for good behavior) because of the mistake she made as a young woman.

She serves her time in Danbury Prison in Connecticut, and toward the end of her sentence she gets transferred to even worse places--Oklahoma City and Chicago. While in prison, she makes friends and learns how to survive.

Here's what is most different about the book and show, and what I preferred:

• When she first arrives at Danbury, many of the other prisoners reached out to her and helped her. Not so in the show, at least not right away. Win: book.
  
• In the show, we learn the back stories (and actually see them) of the other prisoners. In the book, this rarely happens. It's mostly about Kerman's experience alone. Win: show, by far (this is the best part of the show!). Apparently in reality, it wasn't cool to ask why a woman was in prison, so Kerman didn't often know the back stories.
  
• In the show, Piper is housed at Danbury with Alex, her former girlfriend. They have an affair and she becomes attached to her again. Her long-suffering fiance Larry finds out and breaks off their engagement. In the book, she runs into Alex Nora in the end, as they are rounded up to testify against someone else (part of their plea bargain). But they do not have an affair. They develop a tenuous friendship instead. Win: book, although the show is much more dramatic and interesting to watch.
  
• We hear more about prison creativity in the book. Piper becomes an expert at making "prison cheesecake" with a variety of ingredients...in the movie, we don't get this level of detail. Win: book.
  
• "Crazy Eyes" is an exaggeration of the show, as are several of the other characters. A woman flirts with Piper in the book, but not so aggressively as in the show. Red Pop doesn't bully her by starving her in the beginning of the stay, but she is an important character. Crazy, meth-addicted fundamentalist Christian who tries to kill Piper seems to be another fantasy. Win: book. The show plays into the stereotype of lesbian (and other types of) aggression in prison. In fact, there's a lot more lesbian sex in the show than in the book.
  
• "Pornstache" (a perverted, masochistic guard) is much bigger in the show than "Gay Porn Star" in the book. He doesn't last long in reality, and he doesn't deal drugs or sleep with prisoners. Win: book (reality).
  
• Larry is much more neurotic and self-obsessed in the show than in the book. He takes advantage of the information he gets from Piper to go on "This American Life" and share personal stories of the prisoners. He breaks it off with Piper when he discovers she's back with Nora Alex. None of this happens in the book. They are both loyal and much less interesting to a TV audience. Win: the book (for love, at least, if not for TV viewing).

When Piper moves to Oklahoma City and then Chicago to testify, it's much more horrific and bare than Danbury, which seems almost "comfortable" in comparison. It's hard to know how they will address this, if ever, in the show.

As Kit Steinkellner writes in this article on BookRiot,

"Orange is the New Black is a fine memoir. Orange is the New Black is a revolutionary first season of television."

I have to agree. I enjoyed the book, but the TV show is so much fuller, mostly because the stories of the diverse prisoners are so much more interesting than the rich white woman's. I'm glad Piper Kerman wrote her story, though, because it's called attention to the bad conditions of women in prison and their lack of control over their environment.

Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World

Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, by Lisa Bloom

I first heard of Lisa Bloom when I read a fantastic article she wrote for the Huffington Post: "How to Talk to Little Girls." I knew I needed to read her book.

Bloom is the feisty, bright daughter of a feisty, bright mother, pioneering and well-known lawyer Gloria Allred. Allred trained her daughter well--to be an advocate for equality and to stand up for herself and the downtrodden.

The book is divided into two parts. The first part, "The Problem," delves into the question of why we are all so dumbed down nowadays, especially women. She talks about the U.S. chest beating that we are "number one," when in fact we are not...in so many areas. One of those areas is the status of women and the numbers of women who represent us in the political arena. Although conditions are better here for women than in many other countries, we are far from number one. The World Economic Forum's 2009 Global Gender Gap Reports puts us at #31 because of our women's "stagnation in the political empowerment index." And 80 nations surpass the U.S. in the percentage of women holding elective office. You read that right: instead of being Number One, we lag behind 80 nations!

Why are we not up in arms about this? We're too busy spending a fortune on cosmetics and plastic surgery, reading about celebrity gossip, and watching reality TV shows. Wasting our lives away. (When I say "we," I'm referring to Americans in general and women in particular.)

As Bloom discusses, we devalue education, proudly read books that proclaim "Cooking for Dummies," and are more likely to know who Katy Perry is than who is the prime minister of Canada.

For example, take U.S. Weekly or Yahoo's web site, OMG! Bloom reports that U.S. Weekly had 800,000 subscribers in 2003, and now has nearly 2 million. Yet they estimate about 10 readers per subscriber, as many offices, nail salons, and gyms carry the magazine.

According to Bloom's statistics, in 2007 American women averaged $12,000 per year on cosmetics and salon purchases (and 42 percent of the worldwide total). I find that number to be truly staggering! We should be socking that money away for our retirement, or traveling around the world. Now that is really showing how dumb we are.

Bloom is a passionate vegetarian, and she makes an excellent case for us all to go meatless. I knew that raising livestock contributed to climate change, but she quotes a 2006 report by the UN Food and Agriculture Organization that concluded that worldwide livestock farming is the #1 cause of climate change...more than all the cars, trains, planes, and boats in the world. The more meat we eat, the more we are degrading our planet.

As a legal analyst and reporter, Bloom talks about how much time she has been forced to cover missing stories of "pretty white girls," and if a missing child is not white or pretty, or even male, the media will not cover the story. This was not true in Oregon when Kyron Horman went missing over a year ago...but many made the excellent case that his story got way more attention than those of missing children of color. Not that we shouldn't care about Kyron Horman, but shouldn't we also care about all the children who go missing? Why don't we care as equally passionately about all the children sold into prostitution around the world? The U.S. media only wants to cover the "pretty white girls," and the American population are drawn to those stories, in a horrific Catch-22.

In another absurd example of our bizarre focus on the celebrity culture, Bloom discusses all the amazing humanitarian and philanthropic work Angelina Jolie has done throughout her career. But what makes the news? Her relationship with Brad Pitt and her supposed fights with Jennifer Aniston. Or Jolie's former nanny who says she's a neglectful mother. Or what she wore yesterday or where she vacationed. That's all people seem to care about...not the fact that she started working on behalf of refugees in 2000...has visited countries ravaged by poverty such as Sierra Leone, Tanzania, Cambodia, Pakistan, Namibia, and Kenya. She's even visited asylum seekers here in the U.S.

I'm sure that Jolie realizes that she can attract more attention to her cause by giving the public what it wants. Just a few days ago she got the media all excited by saying that what she was most excited about that evening (after the Golden Globes) was to go home to bed with Brad. Celebrities are narcissistic. Yes. But in the case of Angelina Jolie, there's more to her than meets the eye. But does the American public care? No, it doesn't seem to.

Jumping in to Part 2, Bloom gives us her recommendations for reclaiming our brains...such as carving out time in our lives to think, make simple food for your family and don't kill yourself by slaving over meals for hours, and hire someone else to do your housework (even if you have to cut corners elsewhere) so you can reserve time for yourself. She's very adamant on the housecleaner front, and of course I ask myself, what about the option to just not live in a perfectly clean house all the time?

She seems to have a very relaxed, funny parenting style...for example, interpreting "I'm bored!" as "How may I be of assistance?"

"Oh great!" I said, eagerly. "Here's a list of things for you to do. Start with cleaning your room. Next, wash the windows. There's some crud baked on to this pan that really needs a good scrubbing to get it off. Did you rewrite that homework assignment to bring up your grade? How's that thank you to Grandma coming along? Honey? Where'd you go?"

I've already begun applying this technique. Yesterday when my 15-year-old complained about loading the dishwasher, I began to give him a list of all the things I planned to get done that evening, and I told him he could help me with those if he wanted to. Worked like a charm.

She's adamant about not allowing kids into your bed. Well, it's a good thing I'm confident in my own parenting philosophy to know what to ignore and what to take in. I still have a five-year-old who crawls into bed with me around 6:15 a.m., and he usually comes downstairs and sleeps on our floor until then (but not in our bed). It won't last forever, and I do love my morning cuddles. I suppose Bloom wouldn't have approved of my nursing through the night when my babies were little, but I don't care. I was a working mom, and it helped me bond with my kids.

Bloom exhorts women to READ constantly, and the good stuff. Clearly, I agree with that advice, although it also shocks me to read that 80 percent of Americans did not read a book last year. She has tons of reading recommendations, many of which (but not all) I've already read. She's a big fan of Half the Sky by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl DuWunn, as am I, and has a reading list in the appendix.

She tells us to use our newfound time and knowledge to take care of our lives. Look things up if you're curious. Exercise. Have more sex! Hang out with girlfriends--they are great for your health (as is the sex!). Volunteer in your community and take a stand.

Finally, Bloom talks about how lucky we are to live in the good ol' US of A, with the freedoms we have and the privilege. We need to take advantage of these things and BACK AWAY from the cotton candy nutritionless junk food media. I certainly have been more careful not to click on the tabloid-style internet news since reading this book. What a waste of time it all is. Think!

The Girl Next Door: An NYC apartment building full of drama

The Girl Next Door, by Elizabeth Noble

The Girl Next Door takes place in a Manhattan apartment building. The book starts with Eve, who has been transplanted from England because of her husband's job. Soon Noble begins adding a large cast of characters, most of whom live in that same apartment building. Fortunately, she includes a list of characters in the beginning, which is helpful.

I do struggle at times with books that have too many characters. For the most part, this device works here, but some characters are thrown in for unknown reasons and we hardly hear about them at all (the Stewarts, the Piscatellas, Dr. Hunter Stern, Arthur Alexander, the Gonzales, and the token gay couple Todd and Gregory). I'm not sure why she felt it necessary to include all of these people--they do not really serve much of a purpose. Other characters felt one dimensional, shallow, or unlikable.

It didn't help my reading of the book that I found an error in the List of Characters before I even began! Cath Thompson is listed as "Emily's sister," when in fact she is Eve's sister.

Another thing that really bugged me was that Noble clearly didn't do her research about Oregon. One of her characters, Emily, is supposedly from Wilsonville, Oregon, which she refers to as "small-town America." Anyone from Oregon knows that Wilsonville is in fact an affluent suburb of Portland, with a median family income of $65,172. It's full of retail shops and corporate headquarters and it's on the I-5 corridor. It's definitively NOT "small-town America."

The character Eve has a premature baby, born at 27 weeks and weighing one pound, two ounces. This is extremely small for a 27-weeker. (My son was born at 24 weeks and weighed one pound, six ounces, around the typical weight for that gestation. A 27-weeker would have been bigger unless she had been suffering from intra-uterine growth retardation.) For the most part, Noble did a fine job describing the extreme stress and trauma associated with having a child in the NICU, although she talked about how parents didn't talk to others in the NICU, saying that "everyone was on their own in the NICU." This might have been true for some, and especially for shy and reserved Brits, but for us meeting and commiserating with other parents was a lifeline. Most NICU parents feel that way.

I did enjoy reading about the blossoming women's friendships, and in particular about the friendship between Eve and Violet. The book had me in tears during the NICU chapters. (Spoiler warning: A baby dies in this book. I want to warn people about this, because many people do not like to read about childhood death.) Noble also deftly and sensitively handled the issue of grief and the comfort in shared experience.

Years ago I read one of Elizabeth Noble's earlier books, The Reading Group, and I didn't like most of the characters. I liked The Girl Next Door much better.

Up the Capitol Steps: A Woman's March to the Governorship

Up the Capitol Steps: A Woman's Guide to the Governorship, by Barbara Roberts
My rating: 3 out of 5 stars

A few weeks ago I heard Barbara Roberts on Oregon Public Broadcasting's morning show, Think Out Loud, talking about her new memoir. In her lively, genuine way, she spoke about the highlights of her time as governor and also discussed her upbringing. I knew I wanted to read her book, so I put it on hold at the library.

Roberts is a fascinating woman. Raised primarily in a small Oregon town (Sheridan), she grew up in a blue collar family filled with love and respect. Unlike many women of her generation, she never received the message that she was anything "less than" as a woman. However, even though she was very successful in high school, it never occurred to her (and no one encouraged her) to go on to college. She got married before she graduated from high school, and soon she found herself living and lonely in Texas (married to a soldier) and pregnant.

When her older son Mike was five or six, she began to realize something was wrong...she took him to a specialist, who pronounced him to be "extremely emotionally disturbed" and recommended that he be institutionalized (he is autistic). She refused to accept this label, but because no services were offered (much less required) for these types of kids, she ended up admitting him to a residential school, the Parry Center, where he stayed for three years. When they brought him home, she was able to get him into a special ed program in the Parkrose School District (which was being offered via a three-year grant). When the grant was going to expire, Roberts became a lobbyist to fight for the program to be extended. Oregon was the first state in the country to offer special ed services to kids who need them. A federal law was not passed until four years later. After achieving success, she joined the Parkrose School Board and eventually the Multnomah Community College Board. At the same time as her political ambitions began to grow, her young marriage began falling apart.

Frank and Barbara Roberts sailing

Soon she was a single mother raising two sons and working full-time as a bookkeeper, and working on the school boards at the same time. She got to know Oregon state senator Frank Roberts and soon married him, even though he was 21 years her senior.

She was elected as state representative, then secretary of state, and then finally governor; she was the first democratic secretary of state Oregon had seen in 100 years, and she was the first woman governor in Oregon ever. She came from behind to defeat well-known and popular candidate, Dave Frohnmayer.

What amazed me the most about this book was how much tragedy and angst was behind Roberts' cheerful exterior. Her sister lost a 2-month baby in a car accident. When Roberts became secretary of state, her husband was healthy. By the time she ended her term, he had survived two bouts with cancer and a heart attack and lost use of both legs (because of the chemo damaging a nerve in his spine). Her beloved father died just scant months before she was elected governor. Two and a half years into her governorship, her husband's cancer returned and he was given 1 year to live. He wanted to keep it a secret so he could finish out the legislative session, so they carried on as best as they could without people knowing. He died in the last year of her term. At the same time, her sister was diagnosed with cancer. Later her mother died, her son nearly died in a motorcycle accident, and her beloved best friend died of a brain tumor. Throughout it all, Roberts worked hard and showed a cheerful face to Oregonians. I don't know how she did it.

I couldn't help but think of Barack Obama while reading this book. Like Obama who has been saddled with a failing economy, Roberts was handed two huge burdens on the day she was elected: Ballot Measure 5, which was the first property tax measure to gut Oregon's economy and services, and a split legislature. As she tried to cut spending so that they could pass a budget, she took crap on every side. People blamed her for not getting more done, but she was fighting uphill battles, just like Obama. I won't go into the details of what she accomplished in office, but given the hand she was dealt with, she did many great things as governor.

Current governor John Kitzhaber does not come out very well. Kitzhaber, then the head of the Oregon senate, announced he was challenging Roberts for governor while her husband--and his colleague--was dying of cancer. In his characteristically "icy" way, he announced his decision and didn't stay to discuss it or ask how her husband was doing. He just walked off.

Two other things struck me about this book:

• Barbara Roberts is unfailingly honest, direct, and ethical. She does not shy away from admitting her mistakes or fighting for a controversial issue...whether if be the Spotted Owl, gay rights, feminism, abortion rights, AIDS, social justice, the death penalty, or any other topic. I admire her honesty and courage in standing up for what she believes in.

• She did it all without a college degree. After she retires from politics (again)--right now she's serving on the Metro council--she plans to finish her education. Clearly, she is extremely bright, articulate, and a natural leader to accomplish everything she has without a degree.

I was tempted to give the book four stars, because as a woman and a leader, Roberts is inspirational and amazing. But as a book, it is not the highest-quality memoir. Roberts' writing is a bit pedantic, and she uses the passive voice a lot. She also seemed to want to document every detail of her political life, and at times she should have left some of the details (and names) out for the sake of her (non-political junkie) readers.

But I'm glad I read this book. Roberts was a trailblazer in so many ways...from advocating for her special needs son when no one else would...to believing she could be governor and making it happen.

The Gilded Chamber: another female biblical story, reimagined

The Gilded Chamber: A Novel about Queen Esther, by Rebecca Kohn

3 out of 5 stars

I wouldn't have picked this up so soon after rereading The Red Tent, but my 8-year-old son was in a play about Queen Esther this week and I had a business trip, so Queen Esther it was.

Kohn's writing was not nearly as strong as Anita Diamant's, but I did have some similar issues about perspective. The novel was told in the first person, but Esther seemed to be omnipresent. It was interesting and disturbing to read about harem life and the subjugated roles that women led in this era.

One thing I had a hard time swallowing was Esther's undying devotion to Mordechai, and after she realized that King Xerxes was a weak tyrant, she still had the hots for him. Being a woman who has never been attracted to bad boys, I found this to be implausible.

The women (in particular, Esther) were much more vividly described than the men, many of whom were one dimensional. This might reflect the severe division between men and women, and the lack of personal connection they had. (Everyone in the kingdom was forbidden to approach the king without being called, including his wife.)

Some of the descriptions of Esther's clothing got to be a bit tiresome, and the writing seemed melodramatic at times. However, I found it to be another interesting story about another woman in the bible (and a Jewish hero).

The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions, and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace

The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions, and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace, by Shaunti Feldhahn
My rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Shaunti Feldhahn, who has a financial analyst background and holds a master's in public policy from Harvard, has become an expert on men's and women's unique perspectives. After writing several books about the inner lives of men and women, and a novel, she turned her focus to statistically analyzing men's perspectives in the workplace.

After finishing this book, I did some research on Goodreads and discovered that this book also has a "Christian" edition. Even though I'm actually a Christian, that would totally turn me off, so I'm glad I didn't check out that version. (Yes, I'm a weird Christian.) :)

Feldman and her large team of researchers interviewed 3,000 men in the workplace over 7 years and carefully analyzed the data. This book is the summary of what they discovered. In short:

It's not personal; it's business. Women tend to have a harder time separating these two worlds, and in general, men see a clear and distinct line. Feldhahn discusses the fact that men's brains are wired to compartmentalize, whereas women's brains have much more free flow. Therefore, it's much easier for men to separate themselves and their personal feelings from their jobs. They are less likely to take things personally, and they are less likely to discuss their personal lives in the workplace. They also work hard to protect themselves from emotional pain.

If men see women operating by personal world rules at work, they can be perceived as lacking self-confidence and self-esteem, being defensive and insecure, not being a team player, and not being mature, sophisticated, or business savvy.

I would have to agree that although certain men can be complete assholes in the work world, in general women are more likely to have personality conflicts. They are also more likely to overreact to things. This is probably because of the different brain wiring and what I've observed in my own sons: males tend to be better at moving on and not letting resentments linger. They are less likely to hold grudges.

Men are concerned that if they let down their guard, the world will stop spinning. According to Feldhahn, men have a secret belief that if they do not perform their best at work, or if they let down their guard, they will lose their jobs and be unable to provide for their families. This fear drives many of the decisions they make in the workplace. As a result, they can be intolerant of colleagues (often women, who are not as driven by this fear) who appear to be distracting them from the task at hand. This focus on results can be a highly positive thing, but it can also be negative because sometimes men do not realize the importance of relationship building in business. To gain respect from male colleagues, it's important for women to demonstrate that they are fully committed to the job and "in the game."

Feldhahn elaborates on the little things that drive men crazy about women in the workplace: the need to get to the point, not overreact, and let it go. Furthermore, men value colleagues who "suck it up" and get the job done, no matter what, without complaining. The downside of the typical man's approach is that he might not take the necessary time to delve into the details, which can bite him in the end.

She also addresses men's inner insecurity and how it can affect women. Men do not like to be challenged openly...especially by women. Part of this is due to sexism, but part of it is also due to a lack of self-confidence and the fact that men are trained to come across as more confident than they really feel inside. She found that most men like to be challenged, but they fear being seen as inadequate. "One of men's most intense emotional needs is to feel adequate and to know they are respected and trusted by others." Feldhahn addresses situations in which men are likely to perceive disrespect, including a direct, brusque approach, asking "why" questions, pushing too much, and conveying exasperation.

Feldhahn also tackles the taboo of addressing the way women dress in the workplace. According to her research, men feel extremely uncomfortable discussing this issue, but most of them agree that dressing provocatively (tight or short skirts, or showing cleavage) is one of the major ways that women shoot themselves in the foot in the workplace. The interesting thing she discovered is that men tend to think that the woman wants them to look at her body rather than pay attention to what she is saying or doing...while in fact, most women do not mean to send this message at all. Their motivation is dressing stylishly or feeling good about themselves. Feldhahn has discovered in her research how visual men are, and that they often focus on a woman's attire to the detriment of her message. This is backed up by brain research. According to ABC's John Stossel (who did a program on this information), "The same part of the brain (the nucleus accumbens) lights up when a young man sees a picture of a beautiful woman as when a hungry person sees food, or a gambler eyes cash, or a drug addict sees a fix."

Feldhahn conducted studies in which she showed groups of men the same video, except for the fact that the woman in the video was dressed differently. When they viewed the video of the woman showing cleavage, they retained far less of the information she was presenting than the group of men who saw the same presentation--but the woman was not showing cleavage. The men she interviewed were uncomfortable in admitting this or sharing it, but most agreed: women are taken less seriously in the workplace when they wear tight or short skirts or show cleavage. (You can view clips of this video in the video segment at the bottom of the post.)

The unfortunate finding is that men often think women are trying to distract them sexually, when in fact this is not usually the case. As one executive shared, "Women have the ability to be completely beautiful and completely appropriate...but there is a line that you cross where it becomes distracting, and another line where it could become sexual..." Consequently, men view women who dress this way with less respect, because they are not taken seriously. It also puts men who want to respect women professionally in an awkward position. In her book, she says that she has created a short presentation that can help explain these findings...and it can be downloaded on her website, TheMaleFactorBook.com; however, the website says this tool is "coming soon." This is highly disappointing, as the book was published in 2009 and it's now 2011.

In summary, the men she interviewed expressed their desire to help women in the workplace and suggested that women project confidence and competence to gain respect. I learned a lot from this book and it will help me approach my male colleagues with more understanding. Oh and no more cleavage and miniskirts!! Haha.

If you are interested in learning more, I suggest you watch this video of Feldhahn on the Today Show, with Donny Deutsch:

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